There’s a Spanish story of a father and son who had become estranged. The son ran away, and the father set off to find him. He searched for months to no avail. Finally, in a last desperate effort to find him, the father put an ad in a Madrid newspaper. The ad read: “Dear Paco, meet me in front of this newspaper office at noon on Saturday. All is forgiven. I love you. Your Father.” On Saturday 800 Pacos showed up, looking for forgiveness and love from their fathers. (Bits & Pieces, October 15, 1992, p. 13).

Anyone in your family you have not spoken to in 20 years because of some issue? That was Jacob's story, and last he knew, his brother was trying to kill him. Hopefully your conflicts are a little less intense than that; we usually don't have our physical lives at stake. We don't usually have a contract on our lives.

But what is at stake, when we have such conflict in our relationships at home, at work, at church, with extended family, with friends? Frustration, separation, bitterness, division, stress, and above all, damage to God's reputation as one who represents grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Romans 12:18 (NLT) says, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” “A childhood accident caused poet Elizabeth Barrett to lead a life of semi-invalidism before she married Robert Browning in 1846. There’s more to the story. In her youth, Elizabeth had been watched over by her tyrannical father. When she and Robert were married, their wedding was held in secret because of her father’s disapproval. After the wedding the Brownings sailed for Italy, where they lived for the rest of their lives. But even though her parents had disowned her, Elizabeth never gave up on the relationship. Almost weekly she wrote them letters. Not once did they reply. After 10 years, she received a large box in the mail. Inside, Elizabeth found all of her letters; not one had been opened! Today those letters are among the most beautiful in classical English literature. Had her parents only read a few of them, their relationship with Elizabeth might have been restored.” (Daily Walk, May 30, 1992). You can make the attempt at reconciliation, but you cannot force people to respond.

Please turn to Genesis 33. By way of review, Jacob had prayed, and he had wavered in his faith. But he was finally broken to the point where he would remember that his source of strength was in God. And he was going to meet up with his brother and his 400 men, who last time Jacob checked, was out to kill him (see 27:41). Today we are going to see 5 steps in the process of reconciliation, getting back into peaceful relationship.

Either 1) deal with it up front, or 2) let it go. But the middle ground of holding on to it, spreading it around without dealing with it, is not an option. Some things require forbearance (flexing with, putting up with, letting things go). Other things require direct confrontation.

Jacob had tragically wronged Esau by taking advantage of him, stealing the right of first inheritance and the blessing in the family. But he humbled himself before his older brother, and asked for “favor in his sight.” If you have wronged someone, don't make excuses or lengthy explanations. Go to them and admit your wrong, and ask for their forgiveness and kindness.

Neither one of these brothers was without fault. Esau demonstrated humility as well. He did not hammer on Jacob, he was just glad to see his brother. And he did not demand restitution or repayment. Somewhere along the way, God softened his heart toward Jacob, even though Esau was an unbeliever.

There are difficult people in the world. Be gracious and kind to them. Colossians 3:12-13 (NLT) says, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Demonstrate your repentance. Jacob tried to make restitution for wronging his brother so many years earlier. There was a spirit of humility and generosity. For example, if you damage someone else's property, make it right.

Seir / Edom was south and east of the Dead Sea (Esau was the father of the Edomites, Gen 36). It was not a part of the land promised to Jacob and his family. Jacob's priority was 1) following God's calling back to the land; 2) settling down with his family. So Jacob politely refused to go live next to his brother. God and his own family were more important.

Jacob ended his journey giving worship to “the mighty God of Israel,” the God who kept his promise to bless him and bring him safely back to the land. Esau stayed in his own land. Being reconciled evidently does not mean you have to be best friends and spend all your time together.

Remember Colossians 3:13 (NLT): “Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Our forgiveness of and reconciliation with one another is based on the fact we are forgiven and have been reconciled with God (or we can be if we trust in Christ).

The End of the Spear is a major motion picture that releases this week. It is the story of 5 missionaries who went to the Auca Indians in Ecuador, and who lost their lives 50 years ago last Sunday. But one of the martyr's, Nate Saint, had a sister Rachel. She, along with Jim Elliott's wife, Elizabeth, went back to that place and invested their lives so the people could follow Jesus. And many of them did. And Nate Saint's son has spent his life among the people that killed his father. Many of them are now Christ-followers.

Nate's and Jim's family could return to the people who had killed their loved ones because of Jesus' love for all of us. He forgave us; therefore we can forgive others and tell others about the forgiveness Jesus offers them.