Discipline: Loving Correction

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=50 BGCOLOR="#333366" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Discipline: Loving Correction</B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=165 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="132" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 35 ><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id437.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Respect Among Parents and Children"><U><B><IMG SRC="007151d0.gif" border=0 width="21" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id443.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Standing In Strength"><U><B><IMG SRC="008151d0.gif" border=0 width="21" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="20"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="35" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="20" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="13"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="27"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <div> Previous/Next Sermon</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="www.stanbaker.org"><U><B>Home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Biblical and Theological Studies"><U><B>Biblical and Theological Studies</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Church Ministry"><U><B>Church Ministry</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id15.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sermon Notes"><U>Sermon Notes</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Personal"><U><B>Personal</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> www.stanbaker.org</div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:stan@stanbaker.org" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:stan@stanbaker.org"><U>stan@stanbaker.org</U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=430 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Discipline: Loving Correction</B></div> <div> <B>Berean Bible Church, February 29, 2004</B></div> <bR> <div>      Dennis Waitley wrote in his book <I>Seeds of Greatness</I>, "In my parenting and leadership seminars, I tell a true story about a young couple who invited me to their home for dinner some time ago after an all-day program at a university. This man and woman, both highly intelligent, with advanced degrees, had opted for a `child-centered' home so their five-year-old son Bradford would have everything at his disposal to become a winner out there in the competitive world.</div> <div>      Entering the front door, I instantly discovered that this was Bradford's place, not his parents. The furnishings, it appeared, were originally of fine quality. I thought I recognized an Ethan Allen piece that had suffered "the wrath of Khan." We attempted to have a cup of hot cider in the family room, but Bradford was busy running his new [video game] controls. Trying to find a place to sit down was like hopping on one foot through a mine field, blindfolded.</div> <div>      Bradford got to eat first, in the living room, so he wouldn't be lonely. As we started our salads in the dining room, which was an open alcove adjoining the living room, young Bradford dumped his dinner on the carpet and proceeded to pour his milk on top of it to ensure that the peas and carrots would go deep into the shag fibers. His mother entreated, `Brad, honey, don't do that. Mommy, wants you to grow up strong and healthy like Daddy. I'll get you some more dinner while Daddy cleans it up.' </div> <div>      While they were occupied with their chores, Bradford scrambled down from his perch, and joined me in the dining room, helping himself to my olives. `I think you should wait for your own dinner,' I said politely, removing his hand from my salad bowl. He swung his leg up, to kick me in the knee, but my old ex-pilot reflexes didn't fail me and I crossed my legs so quickly that he missed, came off his feet, and came down hard on the floor on the seat of his pants. You'd have thought he was at the dentist's office! He screamed and ran to his mother, sobbing, `He hit me!' When his parents asked what happened, I calmly informed them that he had fallen accidentally and that, besides, `I'd never hit the head of a household!' </div> <div>      I knew it was time to be on my way when they put Prince Valiant to bed by placing granola cookies on the stairs as enticers. He ate his way up to bed! `How are you ever going to motivate him to go to school?' I asked quietly. `Oh, I'm sure we'll come up with something,' they laughed. `Yes, but what if the neighborhood dogs eat what you put out. He'll lose his way just like Hansel and Gretel!'" (From Swindoll, <I>Growing Wise in Family Life</I>, p. 116-7, edited).</div> <div>      Sometimes when children misbehave, we might say, "They're just a kid, they don't know any better." Guess what? As a parent, it's your job is to teach them and train them. And God has to do the same thing for grown-ups. And quite often that training involves discipline. When someone is disciplined, they face (appropriately) painful consequences for inappropriate behavior. There are many theories about how to raise children, but God's model of discipline is the most appropriate model for parents to follow in disciplining their children. We will look briefly at Hebrews 12, Jeremiah 29, and some Proverbs. We will look first at God's pattern of discipline for his children (including adults), then at parents' discipline of their children.</div> <bR> <div> <B>I. God's loving discipline of his children is for their correction and development.</B></div> <div> A. <A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Heb+12:5-11" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U>Hebrews 12:5-11</U></A> - God uses painful circumstances to lovingly correct us and develop our character.</div> <div>      C. S. Lewis wrote, "God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world" (<I>The Problem of Pain</I>, 81). Training involves pain - it is a language we speak and by which we learn. Pain gets our attention.</div> <div>      One basic lesson is that there are painful consequences for improper behavior - that is a fact of life, whether you are young or old. We discourage you from letting your kids play on Route 12 when they are around the church, because it is highly dangerous, even deadly. God feels that way about our sin. Discipline is a part of God's grace - he loves us too much to let us continue to live dangerously, sinfully.</div> <bR> <div> B. <A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Jer+29:10-14" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U>Jeremiah 29:10-14</U></A> - God's correction is intended to restore us to an appropriate relationship with him.</div> <div>      When we face discipline from God, we can claim vs. 11. His plans for us in discipline are plans of goodness and blessing and restoration. Is your life out-of-sorts with God? Confess, get things right, before the discipline gets really painful. If you are going through it, don't run from it, run back to God.</div> <div>      God's discipline is <I>not</I> anger-driven, and it is <I>not</I> abuse. His discipline is for the purpose of correction and training, not punishment and wrath. The punishment and wrath was dealt with by Christ on the cross. Re: <I>The Passion of the Christ</I>, someone said it is all about violence and anger. Where is the love that Jesus was supposed to be all about? That <I>was</I> the love - that he took the punishment I deserved. By faith (total dependence) in him, his suffering and death covers the death I deserved because of my sin. Consequently, I can live and be forgiven and be a part his family.</div> <bR> <div> <B>II. Parents are God's agents for the training and discipline of children. </B></div> <div> A. You are a representative of God, to carry out discipline according to the model he has established (<A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Eph+6:4" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U>Eph 6:4</U></A>). But do not provoke them to anger (Eph 6:4), and do not cause them to be bitter or discouraged (<A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Col+3:21" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U>Col 3:21</U></A>). Inappropriate discipline will lead to anger, bitterness, and discouragement. Follow God's model instead (though you cannot do so perfectly, <A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Heb+12:10" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U>Heb 12:10</U></A>).</div> <bR> <div> B. It is wise to take an active role in the discipline of your children. Everybody benefits when we do things God's way. The following proverbs are quoted from the New Living Translation.</div> <div> 1. Proverbs 13:24 - "If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them."</div> <div> 2. Proverbs 19:18 -  "Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives."</div> <div> 3. Proverbs 22:15 -  "A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away."</div> <div> 4. Proverbs 23:13-14 -  "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."</div> <div> 5. Proverbs 29:15 -  "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."</div> <bR> <div> C. Guidelines for the discipline of children.</div> <div>      Discipline takes different forms for different situations and for different kids. It involves invoking painful consequences, or letting a child experience painful consequences specifically because of deliberate misbehavior.</div> <div> 1. Balance discipline with positive reinforcement. Chip Ingram said that children grow best in an environment of negative (or painful) consequences <I>with</I> positive reinforcement (tape series, <I>How to Change for the Better</I>). Spanking your child on the bottom is an object lesson that there are painful consequences for rebellious, foolish, sinful choices. But your child needs healthy doses of expressions of love and affirmation. And they especially need to hear about it when they do what is right.</div> <div> 2. Make the standards, expectations and consequences clear; then be firm, be fair, and be consistent. Don't leave them guessing what they did wrong, and don't promise consequences you are unwilling to deliver.</div> <div> 3. Make sure discipline is motivated by love, not by anger. Proper discipline is under control. Out of balance, and out of control, discipline becomes abuse. Ask yourself, am I disciplining my child like God disciplines me (or like I want God to discipline me)? He disciplines with great love and grace.</div> <div> 4. Reserve physical discipline for rebellious, disobedient behavior and not just "mistakes" or childish behavior. For simple mistakes, carelessness, and childish behavior, lovingly, verbally correct and coach, but consistently give discipline for defiant behavior.</div> <div>      Parents of teenagers and young adults, help your kids learn to be responsible adults. Don't subsidize their irresponsibility. Don't bail them out of the consequences of their foolish choices. Love them enough to let them learn.</div> <div>      In the fall of 2002, sixteen starting players for the Marquette High School football team in Alton, Ill were arrested for underage drinking at a party. Some parents suggested that the team not suspend them. Coach Mike Slaughter said, "We stand for certain things. Kids have to be responsible for their actions." The coach suspended the players, and the Explorers, who up to that point were 10-0, ended their season with a 63-0 loss in the playoffs (<I>World</I>, 11-23-02, p. 13). Sometimes it costs a lot to learn a simple lesson. Parents, be willing to pay this price now, so your kids won't pay a greater price later. As you discipline your children, remember God's style of discipline for his children, and follow his pattern. And when God has you under painful discipline, endure, run back to him, and willingly learn what he is trying to teach you.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> copyright, 2004, Stanley Baker</div> <div> www.stanbaker.org</div> </td> </tr></table></body>