The Holy Spirit and Your Marriage

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=50 BGCOLOR="#333366" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>The Holy Spirit and Your Marriage</B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=165 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="132" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="VOID" RULES="NONE" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 35 ><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id433.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Power of Influence (Part 2)"><U><B><IMG SRC="007151d0.gif" border=0 width="21" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="id436.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Holy Spirit and Your Marriage: Expre"><U><B><IMG SRC="008151d0.gif" border=0 width="21" height="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="20"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="35" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="20" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="13"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="29" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" WIDTH="27"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <div> Previous/Next Sermon</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="www.stanbaker.org"><U><B>Home</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Biblical and Theological Studies"><U><B>Biblical and Theological Studies</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Church Ministry"><U><B>Church Ministry</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id15.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Sermon Notes"><U>Sermon Notes</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Links"><U><B>Links</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Personal"><U><B>Personal</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> www.stanbaker.org</div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:stan@stanbaker.org" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:stan@stanbaker.org"><U>stan@stanbaker.org</U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=430 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>The Holy Spirit and Your Marriage, </B><A HREF="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passage=Eph+5:21-33" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.biblegateway.com/bible?passag"><U><B>Ephesians 5:21-33</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Berean Bible Church, February 8, 2004</B></div> <bR> <div>      Relationships that have been touched by Christ must be under the control of the Holy Spirit. Your walk with Christ must affect your relationships, starting right at home! Take the time to evaluate your marriage relationship on a scale of 1 to 10. Of course, no marriage and family is perfect, and many are in trouble, even in the church. </div> <div>      Psychologist and author Neil Clark Warren (of eHarmony.com) tells us that the lack of hope is the primary cause for the failure of a marriage. If a couple can make just 10% progress over the course of a year, it is enough to regenerate hope, and it gives them a great shot at making it, even if things do not get perfect (Quoted by John Ortberg in <I>If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat</I>). Your best source of hope in your marriage relationship (and in any other relationship, for that matter) is to follow God's guidelines. His principles can help you have a marriage relationship that is healthy, growing, and filled with love and mutual respect. Of course, the Bible's principles about marriage have been labeled as out-of-date by people who do not understand the principles. Look where that has gotten us in our society. Discover God's principles and have confidence in living by them. He gave them to us for a reason, and he knows best. </div> <div>      The basic principle is this: <I>Christian relationships, especially in marriage, are based on grace and kindness that extends in both directions.</I> This is especially important precisely because there are no perfect relationships, because there are no perfect people!</div> <bR> <div> <B>I. Instructions to believers in general (Ephesians 5:21).</B></div> <div>      Submitting to one another is evidence of the filling of the Spirit. We are to live carefully (vs. 17), not recklessly, in our relationships with one another. This means at least two things.</div> <div> A. Have a submissive spirit toward appropriate authority. Following in the text are 3 examples of authority and submission. Everyone has some authority to submit to. </div> <div> B. Put one another's needs above your own. </div> <div>      Be respectful of other people. Don't be a control freak. Don't always demand your own way. Give up and give in to others. In each of the following three examples, a submissive, caring, giving and kind attitude goes <I>both</I> ways, even if there is not equality in function. Take an interest in others. Don't reserve kindness for a few people. Be kind to people regardless of their social status, race, or economic circumstance. Philippians 2:3-4 says,  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better [more honored] than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."</div> <bR> <div> <B>II. Instructions to wives (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33).</B></div> <div>      Laurie Conger wrote in Today's Christian Woman, "My 4-year-old daughter shared with me what she had recently `learned' in Sunday school. `You know what, Mom?' she said excitedly. `God created man; then he took the 'brain' from man and made woman!'" Dave Barry says: "Think how much happier women would be if, instead of endlessly fretting about what the males in their lives are thinking, they could relax, secure in the knowledge that the correct answer is: very little." (<I>The Complete Guide to Guys</I>, Random House). These are funny, but when they become the operating principle in a marriage, that couple is headed for trouble.</div> <div> A. Show respect for your husband (esp. vs. 33). </div> <div>      Honor him. Don't nag him or treat him as another one of your children (even if he acts it, sometimes).<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="TimesNewRoman" > "Nagging is similar to having a duck nibble you to death" (Tom Constable, Bible study notes on Ephesians, p. 56). He is not a project to be fixed. L</FONT>ook out for his best interests. Make him look good in friend of others. Communicate with him. Maintain your beauty of character (don't ignore your physical appearance, either). Ultimately, in following your husband, your submission is to Christ.</div> <div> B. Your submission is modeled by the church following the leadership of Christ.</div> <div>      "Followership" is a role or function issue. It does not reflect lower worth or value. This role is compared to the church, and the church is highly valued in Christ's eyes. So valued that Jesus gave his life for us. You are to follow the leadership of your husband as the church is to follow the leadership of Christ.</div> <div>      We live in an era of rights and functional equality and independence and demand for control. It is a culture of disrespect, even among God's people. We have battles to get our way and whoever comes out on top of the battle, wins control. This is not the way it is in God's kingdom. Mark 10:42-44 says, "Jesus called [his disciples] together and said, `You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.'"</div> <bR> <div> <B>III. Instructions to husbands (Ephesians 5:25-31).</B></div> <div>      Husbands, you must recognize that your wife must be able to trust before she will feel fully comfortable following your leadership. The main burden of Ephesians 5 falls on you. If you are doing your part well, your wife we feel confident following your leadership and respecting you. You must love your wife like Christ loves the church. This is the highest standard there is. Christ loved us with action to back up his words. He gave his life.  </div> <div>      Love your wife like you love yourself. You take care of yourself, maybe not like Brad Pitt, but you make sure you are comfortable and well-fed. That's a guy thing.</div> <div>      Show respect to your wife as the special person she is. Value her and her wishes and opinions. Don't compare her negatively to other women  Speak kindly to her and about her. Don't yell in your home, unless there is a fire. Put her needs and interests first. Help her with her challenges and responsibilities. Value her contribution to your family life. Your wife is not your slave or servant, she is your partner and companion (vs. 31).</div> <div>      Christian relationships, especially in marriage, are based on grace. This is what is modeled by the relationship between Christ and the church (vss. 32-33). Because we have received kindness from God, we must be kind to one another - starting in the home.</div> <bR> <div>      Follow God's guidelines for a marriage relationship that is healthy, growing, and filled with love and mutual respect. It starts with <I>you </I>and<I> your</I> <I>actions</I>.</div> <div>      Author Tony Campolo wrote, "I challenge those who come to me for marriage counseling this way: "If you do what I tell you to do for an entire month, I can promise you that by the end of the month, you will be in love with your mate. Are you willing to give it a try?" When couples accept my challenge, the results are invariably successful. My prescription for creating love is simple: Do ten things each day that you would do if you really were in love. I know that if people do loving things, it will not be long before they experience the feelings that are often identified as being in love. Love is not those feelings. Love is what one wills to do to make the other person happy and fulfilled. Often, we don't realize that what a person does influences what he feels" (in Homemade, June, 1988). Don't wait until you feel like it, and don't wait until your spouse does their part. Let the work start with you and your actions.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> copyright, 2004, Stanley Baker</div> <div> www.stanbaker.org</div> </td> </tr></table></body>